Mommy Reality: How Stuffed Animals Destroy Parents

In Mommy Reality by Jen

One of the things that no one warns you about when having kids, is that now you will be initiated into the world of stuffed animals….

What, wait a minute, stuffed animals? They are so cute, why is this a problem?

Here’s a few reasons why stuffed animals are one of the most under examined of parenting foes:

1. No child can sleep in a bed with less than a dozen stuffed animals. This becomes burdensome when trying to locate a sleeping child within the bed.

Plus some of your child’s stuffed animals are down right terrifying at night!  Especially clowns.  Always clowns!

2. Should said sleeping child wet or throw up in their bed, now you get to not only clean the child and their sheets, you also have to wash any of the stuffed animals affected by the whole episode.  Stuffed animals enjoy being washed about as much as your real dog.  Well, MOST dogs anyway. . .

3. It has been scientifically proven that stuffed animals multiply overnight without you the parent even knowing. So do not be surprised when somehow that one single stuffed bear your baby brought home from the hospital will within just a few short months, have doubled into 3 more stuffed bears, a purple unicorn and a dog that barks when you tug it’s ear.

4. Every stuffed animal, even that wonky cat thing your child got in their Happy Meal, is a treasured friend and must under no circumstances EVER be thrown out.

5. If you should in the dark of night, dressed in full black spy paraphernalia, embark on a stuffed animal clean out while your child sleeps, just know this, no matter how many you march to Goodwill, there are more in line just waiting to get in like your child’s room is an exclusive nightclub…

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