It’s time for this week’s edition of Man-day from Jensguy.
Do you ever have those moments when you look back wistfully at the things you owned as a child? Obviously, because I was a boy, most of those things were lovingly used to the point that they were falling apart. But they sure do bring back good memories. So today I am going to salute some of the marvelous material possessions that helped make my childhood.
The Fisher Price Barn
If you had one of these as a child, you know it is on your own best list too. The best thing about this toy is that I am not sure if it was originally mine or my brothers, but it was fully awesome.
Best Features- The friction powered MOOO! generator that sounded whenever the door opened. Whoever designed that was a genius before their time as it completely captured the sound of an actual cow with no recording technology. Also the black pig.
I would pay handsomely for that black rubber pig as a paperweight for my desk.
Huffy Thunder Road Bike
I believe this bike predated the BMX wave of popularity that standardized bicycle design. Because of this, it had many, shall we say, eccentric design features.
Best Features- The swept back chopper-style handlebars and the banana seat. I don’t understand why the banana seat ever went out of style. You could haul friends comfortably without putting them on your handlebars. Also, you could lean back far enough to easily “pop a wheelie.”
Evel Knievel CB Van
Of course the van went in tandem with the rev powered stunt cycles, but I remember saving my allowance for months to purchase this van, and I was the only kid in my neighborhood who had one. Turns out that this is almost universally true, because they are so rare you can sell one for upwards of $800 nowadays.
Best Features- The button on the console between the seats that would play one of 5 recorded CB messages from Evel, “That’s a 10-4 good buddy, I’m out!” People forget how cool Evel Knievel paired with CB talk was, It made a six-year-old’s head almost explode. Also the fact that I believe the van had plastic seatbelts. Evel and seatbelts, heh!
This Old School Erector Set
This Old School Erector Set- I wasn’t the original owner for this puppy, but it somehow found its way into my overjoyed hands. The box contained about 20 pounds of steel, steel accessories, and steel electric motors held together with steel fasteners. I don’t think there was one piece of plastic in the steel box.
Best Feature- There is no way this toy could be sold today. The parts had sharp metal edges that would cut you, and small parts that could be swallowed to cut you on the inside as well. I’d wager it was coated with lead, and the electric motors would shock you relentlessly if you handled them incorrectly. Turns out steel is a decent conductor. Who knew?
Tupperware Zoo-It-Yourself
Obviously I played with these when I was really young, but if you were to see these things even now, who isn’t tempted to pick them up and purposely give the dog the long legs?
Best Feature- The first is that they made wonderful tub toys. They were thick and rigid enough that they wouldn’t suck in the water and develop that slosh like other plastic molded toys. Secondly, these things were all but indestructible. I don’t know what happened to the set I had as a kid, but I am fairly certain that wherever they are, they are going to outlive me.
Fisher Price Phonograph
“You know it is time to turn the page when you hear the chimes ring like this.” Kind of hard to believe that most of my children’s books also came on vinyl. My children saw some records at the second hand store and asked what they were. I felt like a dinosaur. But, for a time, this was the best way to consume music and literature for a kid.
Best Feature- My collection of record-books. I had a lot of the Disney records complete with the songs, but my absolute favorite was my Spiderman record. It had two stories, one about dragon people and the other was “Spider Man and the Mark of the Man Wolf” which was the most spine tingling thing I could actually make it through, although it took me almost six months from the time I brought it home. The very best thing is that you can now listen to the original recording for this and other records over the internet. You can get the comic and the audio recording HERE!
Masters of the Universe Snake Mountain
Yep, twice as cool as Castle Grayskull because the bad guys hung out here, and everyone knows that Skeletor’s friends were much more interesting than He-Man’s. Also it was better colored and the outside terrain had more character. Imagine pulling up to this bad boy in the Evel Knievel CB Van.
Best Feature- That wolf head microphone. It could turn the vocal chords of a squeaky 11 year old into the voice of Satan. That thing got play well into my late teens. My friends and I would invite group dates to go cave exploring and have this thing set up in the cave ahead of time, so when we got to the darkest part of the cave, BAM! Demons! And yes, it is amazing that my wife actually married me, but Snake Mountain was long dead by that point.
