Parenting Empaths: What to do with a “Bad” Empath

You’re reading that title and probably thinking to yourself, What does that even mean? Well, here’s the truth: not every person who is deeply empathetic will use that gift in healthy ways.

We’ve learned this the hard way.

That’s why teaching healthy boundaries and emotional awareness early on can be so important.

Some people have been deeply hurt by their own experiences and may, intentionally or unintentionally, take their pain out on others. Others may learn to use their ability to recognize what people are feeling to manipulate situations or get what they want.

And when you’re highly attuned to other people’s emotions, it can be difficult to recognize when someone is using that sensitivity against you.

This is especially important for empathic children because their natural instinct may be to love, understand, and protect others. They may be particularly drawn to people who are hurting because they genuinely want to help or “fix” them.

Here are some basic strategies we’ve found helpful. Many of these can benefit any child, but they can be especially important for an empath who may be more likely to put someone else’s needs ahead of their own.

• • Teach the stop-and-pause method. When your child suddenly feels a strong emotion, teach them to stop and ask, “Is this feeling coming from me, or am I picking up on someone else’s feelings?” Learning to separate their own emotions from the emotions around them can help them slow down before reacting.

  • Teach them to notice how people make them feel. If they consistently feel exhausted, anxious, guilty, or responsible after spending time with someone, that’s worth paying attention to. Their feelings can provide information about whether a relationship is healthy for them.

  • Teach them that empathy doesn’t mean obligation. Just because they understand someone’s pain doesn’t mean they have to fix it, rescue them, or stay in a relationship that hurts them.

  • Help them recognize one-sided relationships. If they are constantly giving, listening, helping, or accommodating while the other person rarely gives anything back, that imbalance matters.

  • Teach them that “no” is a complete sentence. Empathic children can struggle with guilt when they set boundaries. Help them understand that protecting their own time, energy, and feelings isn’t selfish.

• Watch for guilt and emotional pressure. If someone repeatedly uses phrases like “If you really cared about me…” or makes your child feel responsible for their emotions, help your child recognize that this isn’t a healthy way to communicate.

• Remind them that they aren’t responsible for fixing broken people. This one can be especially difficult for an empath. They may see someone’s pain and immediately want to help. Teach them that caring about someone and being responsible for their healing are two very different things.

• Teach them to trust patterns, not just potential. An empath may see the good in someone and focus on who they could become. Help them pay attention to how that person actually behaves over time.

• Give them permission to walk away. They don’t need a dramatic reason to distance themselves from someone. Sometimes simply feeling uncomfortable or unsafe is enough.

Most importantly, remind your child that their empathy is not the problem. Their ability to understand and care deeply for others can be a wonderful gift. The goal isn’t to make them less empathetic. It’s to teach them how to protect themselves while still being the compassionate person they naturally are.

One Final Note About “Empaths”

One final thing worth keeping in mind: sometimes people will describe themselves as empaths when what they have actually learned is how to read, influence, or manipulate other people very effectively. Those things are not necessarily the same.

Someone very dear to me, someone I trust completely, once shared an observation that has stayed with me: people who genuinely experience this kind of heightened sensitivity often don’t feel the need to broadcast it. They tend to see it as something inherent to who they are—something personal rather than a label to advertise. There can be wisdom in keeping that part of yourself private, because openly declaring how easily you can read people can also make you vulnerable to exploitation or allow others to use the label to gain trust.

So when someone repeatedly announces, “I’m an empath. I can read everyone. I know exactly what people are feeling,” I think it’s worth pausing and paying attention to their behavior rather than simply accepting the label.

Ultimately, a person’s actions, boundaries, humility, and consistency will tell you far more about who they are than any title they give themselves.

If you would like to read more in this series, please start HERE.

Love,

Jen