I almost didn’t write this post, but fear should never be an overriding element in our lives. Plus what is the point of having a blog if you don’t use it as a platform to share important topics with others? I do share a lot of my life here. Especially if I think it could benefit someone, but there are some things I hold back. Unless I think it is important and there is something slightly scary coming up for me and I would like you all to know about it. I haven’t been quite sure how to say it. There seems to be almost a road block in my speech when I try to vocalize it, but here goes.
I might have thyroid cancer.
There. I said it. Kind of.
I say might, because the size of the nodule in my throat is too large to really get a good result with Fine Needle Aspiration. If you aren’t familiar with the medical lingo of that, an FNA is where with ultra sound guidance, they stick a long, thin needle, in this case right into my neck to biopsy the suspect nodule. My FNA included 7 such needles. The process hurt and was uncomfortable. I was brave sitting in the chair, but I cried after I left the Dr’s office.
Jen’s Guy and I returned to my Doctor one week after the FNA to get the results. I was told the results came back benign, but due to the size and scary calcifications on the nodule, this result was actually inconclusive. My chances of it being cancerous are more closer to 50/50. My Dr. urged me to allow him to perform a partial thyroidectomy in order to determine if cancer cells are present. It took a month for me to decide, but my surgery is now scheduled for March 27th. The initial surgery is out patient. I will be sore and uncomfortable from that surgery for a few weeks, unless of course after a thorough biopsy the nodule proves to be cancerous. Then I will be back in surgery within 5 to 7 days and go through a round of radiation.
I haven’t cried about all of this. Not really. Not until right now as I sit typing it.
It’s not devastating news. It’s just hard.
From my research I found that many people have had this treatment and gone on to live cancer free lives, but it definitely puts your mortality into the forefront.
If you have ever met me in real life, you know that I am a warm and open person, but talking about myself like I just did is not one of my best skills. I have a hard time opening up, but I think my children and family deserve an open and honest environment as we tread this new… I don’t know quite the right word to describe it, but maybe, life event? I guess.
Anyways, for the next little bit I will still be here blogging and trying to get my family ready for the next few months of uncertainties as much as I can. At best it could be one surgery. Or it could be a little longer….
Time will tell.
If in the future there are holes and lapses over here, you now will know why. If you know me in real life, give my kids and husband a hug when you see them. I will try to share as much about this process as I can.
One last thought. This one is about joy. I was reading in the Bible this week. Somehow I ended up in Proverbs. There are a few translations of this particular scripture verse, but I like both of these translations for different reasons and I thought I would share them with you.
“She is clothed in strength and dignity and she laughs without fear of the future.”
And here is another translation of that same verse. It kind of works for what I am feeling.
“Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come.”
This is going to be my motto as I proceed, and because I am who I am, I made a printable. You can grab it here if you would like.
Hugs and thanks for listening,
Go ahead and share this post, you know you want to!