Seventeen Thoughts I Have While Shopping For Swimsuits.

Seventeen Thoughts I Have While Shopping For Swimsuits

In Motherhood, Parenting by Jen30 Comments

I live in Southern Arizona and it is already starting to warm up and during the summer months we can reach upwards of 120 degrees Fahrenheit. So this means, that very soon we will be scheduling as many water centered activities as we possibly can. This week when I went to pull out last summer’s swimsuit, I realized it was looking bad. Like really bad. Unfortunately, this meant it was time to go swimsuit shopping.


I am not sure how you personally feel about swimsuit shopping, but for me it is not even in my list of top 10,000 fun things to do. It’s a little more akin to psychological torture, and no matter how I prep myself for this yearly ritual I know how it’s going to go down.

So here are seventeen thoughts I had while on my most recent shop for swimsuits.

Seventeen Thoughts I Have While Shopping For Swimsuits.

1.Why does a large swim bottom look like something I could fit only one arm through?

2. Am I in the Junior’s section?

3. If vintage is really so hot right now, where are those adorably modest swim dresses from the 1900’s? I would rock one of those so hard.

If vintage is really so hot right now, where are those adorably modest swim dresses from the 1900's? I would rock one of those so hard.

4. Must avoid anything with strings that are intended to hold the ladies up, because I am a Mom and children do not respect the strings. And I do not want a repeat of what happened the last time my toddler fiddled with those strings while we were at a public pool…..

5. OK, it’s time to hit the dressing room! Grab the first one off the knob and take a look at the peel off sticker on the crotch of the swimsuit. Why don’t men’s swimsuits have the little peel off stickers inside of them?

6. If the peel off sticker is missing from inside the swimsuit will I be left with some irreversible disease by trying on that particular suit?

7. Oh my gosh, this has got to be a fun house mirror, because my butt is not that big! Is it?! I quickly text my husband to ask. He texts back telling me to snap a picture and let him see. I suspect shenanigans.  For some reason, I take the picture.  I look at the picture. Aaaaaaghhhh!! Where is the delete button! Aaaaaaghhhh!!! Is there a delete button for my eyes! 


8. OK this next suit looks cute. It says it has a support panel. I hope it is a really strong support panel!

9. Nope. It’s not that strong. 

10. I don’t drink, but maybe if I had before I came it would have made things a heck of a lot better. I’ll keep that in mind for next time.

11. I really wish I had someone to give me their honest opinion about this suit. 

12. Um, scratch that thought, because the look on the saleslady’s face when I just opened the door in this swimsuit is all the feedback I need.

13. I hate summer.

14. I just won’t go swimming this year.

15. I will instead invest in mumus and make them look cool.

16. At last! I. Have. Found. One!

17. Now I just need to find the perfect cover up that goes from head to toe!

Have fun swimsuit shopping!



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  1. I can so relate. When I was young and broke I couldn’t afford those adorable bikinis. I had a killer bod. As soon as the bod started going south I could afford the adorable bikinis, but I looked terrible in them. Who says God doesn’t have a wicked sense of humor.

    Have a fabulous day Jen. ☺
    Comedy Plus recently posted…Two RednecksMy Profile

  2. I don’t think this will be a problem for me because it’s 52 degrees here.. in MAY… and I can’t see that changing. Should it change.. I honestly rock a tankini top and board shoots. It looks cool and youthful and no one is actually seeing me half naked. Magic!
    Tamara recently posted…Spring Cleaning With Bioré.My Profile

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      Fifty two degrees?! That type of temp is like the teeth of winter here! It was 90 yesterday and windy. I don’t like when it is windy and hot. Oh yes, a tankini and shorts are the way to go. They too are my saving grace :) Hopefully it warms up soon for you guys!
      Jen recently posted…Seventeen Thoughts I Have While Shopping For SwimsuitsMy Profile

  3. I’m still laughing, Jen! I took Catherine out shopping for one yesterday whilst keeping half an eye open for one for myself. And have come to the decision that it’s probably not fair I don’t do that to the world! And as for inspecting the plastic strip… Always! But not too closely (shudder)!

    I think I’m going to need therapy before and after my own costume shopping experince.

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      Thank heavens for cover-ups right? I am glad I am not alone in the swimsuit shopping struggle. Good luck friend as you hit the stores this year!
      Jen recently posted…Savvy Summer SnacksMy Profile

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      Yep, that is exactly what I ended up with! And luckily, I am now done for the year. Whew :) Good luck out there this year!
      Jen recently posted…Savvy Summer SnacksMy Profile

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      I really want to have a talk with the people who design swimsuits, because we mothers are the people buying everything for everyone and they leave us with the worst options!

      Good luck as you hit the stores :)
      Jen recently posted…Savvy Summer SnacksMy Profile

  4. These are hilarious and so true, Jen! I agree with every one especially the fun house mirror reference. I’m always in complete shock at the woman looking back at me in that dressing room mirror. Thanks for the laugh this morning :). I’ll have to reread these right before I head out for that dreaded yearly excursion.
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