Let’s Talk about Sex

In Motherhood, Parenting by Jen25 Comments

Yes you read that right.

Other people are sharing their reindeer food recipes and how to wrap a present with raffia tutorials and over here on JENerally Informed I am talking about sex.

Let me explain.

I have been published on several syndicated sites and quite frequently some of these sites will send me emails with calls for stories. Last week I received the following writing prompt:

We’re calling for your best sex stories and the more unique and personal the better, though rest assured, we’re not asking for anything that you’d be uncomfortable sharing! 

To get you started, We’ve included a few ideas below that might inspire you to write:

  • ​Sex Confessions: something you like that you’ve never told anyone about, something you tried and regret, etc.
  • The crazy way you lost your virginity: the more outlandish the story the better.
  • What X taught me: here you would write about a specific sexual experience and what you learned from it. 

The caveat of course being the following that was included at the bottom of the email….

Note: this is not a sponsored opportunity, but we’ll let you know if we have any of those in the future.

So let me get this straight, you want me to share personally intimate and possibly embarrassing stories and to do it all for free? Isn’t that kind of like the bumper sticker that some truckers sport that says, “Show me your ___!”

Color me unimpressed. By either pitch.

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It’s not that I am afraid to talk about sex, it is just the opposite. As a mother I feel strongly that sex should be an open, honest and oft frequented topic. What I find offensive is exploitation, even if it is just the mild sort.

I remember as a young girl reading Teen magazines during a time when you could submit your stories anonymously via a letter to the editor. In this way you could get whatever reinforcement or advice you desired, without having your name and personal information made public. But I doubt the syndicated site seeking stories would follow that same rule. Honestly, your anonymity has a better shot of staying intact when showing your stuff to the trucker.

Not that I am advocating that type of behavior.

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I have shared before that our family no longer has cable. We don’t miss it. I do find it fairly terrifying how teens are currently portrayed through movies, TV and of course “reality” shows. Were we to believe these modern portrayals of teens to be the standard for teenage beahvior, then one might be interested to learn the following from a recent sampling of teenage boys from Seventeen magazine.

Now I know you are thinking Seventeen, but take a look:

  1. 45% of teen boys in this sample were still virgins and 40% were not looking for sex or hook-ups. Many were not in a rush to have sex and may actually regret moving too fast. Further 45% had had sex with someone and regretted it afterward, and almost half said it is good to wait to have sex until you’re married.
  2. 78% say there is way too much pressure from society to have sex.

So where is the pressure on these the youngest in our society coming from?

I believe it is from their parents, older mentors, and mass media feeding it to them in ever-increasing doses. It’s the law of supply and demand in effect. When we ourselves engage in and support sexually exploitative literature, movies, music, and articles, then that demand will eventually spill over to younger demographics. Adding the prefix “adult” isn’t really fooling anyone.

So yes how we talk about sex matters, especially for the youngest and most vulnerable within our care. Trivializing the conversation, like the request I received is JUST not helping. It makes sex trashy, seedy and is a weak attempt at trying to lure readers in with the whole “clickbait” factor.

Dr Laura Berman had the following to say on a taping of the Oprah show, “The talk shouldn’t only be about STD prevention and pregnancy. It’s also about empowerment. You don’t want her to have sex right now. … But you eventually want her to have a fulfilling, happy, loving, intimate sex life. When the time comes, she’s that much more likely to make those healthy decisions since she feels good about who she is as a sexual person and not just give away that gift to anybody—the first time or any time.”

How is that for a concept? Focusing on helping our children to make healthy sexual decisions in order to empower them. I wish this were how we were talking about sex and still have hope that we can.

Stay Happy! Stay Informed!

Love,

Jen




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Comments

  1. You said the perfectly and I got the same pitch and was truly floored by it. Seriously, I am not a prude by any means, but the way wording and to think we would talk about something like this in the light they put it in was truly annoying and offensive to me, as well. Glad you you said what I was thinking and it wasn’t just me. Thanks for that and more, Jen!
    Janine Huldie recently posted…Reliving Disney World with WeMontageMy Profile

    1. Author

      You got it too?! It made me mad, well mad enough to write a post about it. Glad you agreed! I wonder how many submissions they get. My hope would be none, but I don’t know if that will be the case. I guess we will see.
      Jen recently posted…Let’s Talk about SexMy Profile

  2. Bravo, Jen!! This is what really needs to be said. I’m not afraid or embarrassed to talk about sex, but I believe that it is a sacred act that should be discussed with the appropriate discretion. It’s not really a topic to be sensationalized all over the internet!
    Rabia @TheLiebers recently posted…Family WeekendMy Profile

    1. Author

      Absolutely! I couldn’t agree more. It is sacred and needs to be discussed with the appropriate discretion. Something that is far too lacking in internet lands these days. Thanks Rabia for backing me up!
      Jen recently posted…Let’s Talk about SexMy Profile

    1. Author

      I remember a friend who once told me to start talking about sex with my littles. I was like, what they are so little they don’t know anything…. I casually brought it up in a round about way and boy oh boy had they heard enough on the playground that I started talking right away so that I could help solve the misinformation problem!
      Jen recently posted…Gifting A Memory This Holiday SeasonMy Profile

  3. I’m a huge fan of this post. It needed to be said. I’m sharing!
    And frankly, I’m disgusted by those pitches. Heck, I have no trouble talking about it either. I’m often the sober one at my Ladies Nights Out and also quite open about that stuff. I know, I know. You can’t see it in the blog, right? That’s for the best.
    I have young kids, though. I want to show them a much better way. I want them not to be embarrassed or feel they’re not good enough or anything else that gets stripped away.
    Tamara recently posted…Gluten Free Squash, Kale & Chicken Sausage One-Pot Pasta.My Profile

  4. Okay first off I would have loved to see your face when you first read that email, lololol. Secondly, you go girl. I love your thoughts on this topic and couldn’t agree more, great post!

  5. I think that is one of the weirder pitches I have ever heard of. I totally think sexual pressure comes from people closest to you – from birth people are trying to ask little kids if they have boyfriends, girlfriends, crushes, etc. And as a single 32 year old, I still get pressure from coworkers to date, get married, etc.
    Becca recently posted…Chanukah Was Awesome this Year!My Profile

    1. Author

      Thank you Jenny! I appreciate the fist bump of approval. Sometimes you just never know what people are going to say when you write about such things. I am gladly and immensely heartened to see so much approval for what I shared.
      Jen recently posted…Gifting A Memory This Holiday SeasonMy Profile

  6. Well done Jen, for reacting like this to that request! I’m no prude and sex should never be a hush, hush subject, but there are limits! What I’d like to know is what good is publishing personal and private experiences going to achieve? I doubt they are intended for educational purposes!

    I am pleasantly surprised by the Seventeen magazine survey. The percentages are better than I would expect.

    Teaching our children to not only be body confident, but also confident enough to do only what makes them feel comfortable, with a person that makes them feel comfortable, when they feel ready sexually, is an important part of parenting and posts like you were asked to submit will do nothing to help anyone.

    xx
    Debbie recently posted…Zakynthos: Is It Really December?My Profile

    1. Thank you! I love this, “Teaching our children to not only be body confident, but also confident enough to do only what makes them feel comfortable, with a person that makes them feel comfortable, when they feel ready sexually, is an important part of parenting and posts like you were asked to submit will do nothing to help anyone.”

      That is exactly how I felt and thought our poor youth if as adults we are sinking to depths like that! How are they to learn a better way? Thank you for your insight and support. I have hope that with enough of us leading the way the discussion can change and help our children learn about and make healthy decisions.
      Jen recently posted…Gifting A Memory This Holiday SeasonMy Profile

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