Fourteen years ago I became a mother. This is my shared story of love, loss, strength and September 11th. Mostly it is the beginning of the story for My Little Fighter. Because there are many more stories yet to be written for her.
Fourteen years ago I was young and I was pregnant with my first child. It had been difficult and tragically, too soon towards the beginning of the pregnancy I thought the pregnancy was over when I experienced a miscarriage. A call to the gynecologist shortly after revealed that there was nothing to be done, unless I was bleeding heavily. I wasn’t and so I scheduled an appointment for later that week to go in and be checked. I thought this was the end of that pregnancy.
Later that evening, my husband in an attempt to cheer me took me out to dinner. I remember standing at a deli counter with my stomach pressed against the glass and very clearly, I heard a voice in my head say, “I’m still here.” Startled I pressed back away from the glass and looked around to see if someone had spoken to me, no one had. Needless to say, I was confused, heartsick and physically drained, but I continued to soldier on through the heartbreak of this loss. A few days later the gynecologist upon examining me, confirmed that I was indeed still pregnant, even after losing one of what would have been my twin babies. I then knew that the voice I had heard that night standing at a deli counter of all places, was my baby. She was still there and wanted me to know. I don’t get bogged down in the specifics of how it happened I just know it did.
None of that first pregnancy was easy, there were hospitalizations and shots and test after test, but she hung on and so did I. Living for the day when we could finally meet. Just shy of 33 weeks she came very early on a clear September morning. She wasn’t supposed to come until October, but after my water unexpectedly broke, I was rushed to the hospital and hoped that at the end of the day I would be able to hold my well and whole little girl in my arms.
I remember laying on the surgical table, barely breathing, nervously waiting to hear the cry that would signal me that she was alright. I waited with my heart near to bursting until finally I heard her tiny, but perfect cry. She was little, weighing in at just 5 pounds, but she was perfect. She was my little fighter.
The next day I woke up in the hospital to the news that terrorists had bombed our country and that hundreds and thousands of my fellow Americans had tragically been killed in the wake of this horrific event. I sat in my hospital bed watching the news unfold and clinging to my newborn baby as if she were a lifeline and praying to God that I had not made a mistake in bringing something so perfect as her into this very imperfect world of ours. Because she was just that. Perfect. Her tiny and bright eyes shone clearly and exuded peace and calm. As the parent I should have been the one comforting her, but during those dark days after September 11th, she was my calm in the storm, because I knew that God had not given up on this world if he had sent such a strong and sweet individual as my daughter Samantha into it.
This next week she turns 14. Fourteen.
It is hard to wrap my head around the fact that I have been blessed to be her mother for fourteen years now. She was my introduction into motherhood and still today is a leader in our family through her kind, sound and solid judgement. Her life hasn’t been easy, there have been challenges, but she is truly an amazing young women. I sat by her side when she underwent a painful spinal tap procedure sans anesthesia and then with her when she was delivered the news that she would not regain all of her eyesight in one of her eyes ever again. She didn’t cry. I wanted to, but her face after the diagnosis shone with determination that she would not be side swiped by this diagnosis and would continue on with her life. She is just that way.
I have been told that she closely resembles her mother in strength, but I feel she is stronger.
She will always fight for the underdog, she stands up for what is right unquestionably, and does not waver in her compassion towards those who need and welcome it.
She is silly, has 2 left feet (like me), does not like surprises, is a night owl, loves Taylor Swift, MARVEL super heroes, reading, video games and watching her favorite you-tuber Markiplier.
As a mother I know these next years will require a lot of her, but her Father and I will continue to be there for her if ever she should falter. Because that is love.
My wish for her is that she continues to seek out the good wherever it may be found.
That she never stops dreaming.
That she never stops learning.
To learn to listen to and trust her instincts the first time and to not be afraid to act on what she feels she should do.
Step out of her comfort zone, embrace life in a big way with a big heart.
Make mistakes.
Learn from those mistakes.
Learn from the mistakes of others so that she doesn’t have to make the same mistakes.
Never forget where she came from and the legacy of lives for whom she should ever be mindful and who make up her family story.
To believe in magic, and the healing power of doughnuts.
Fourteen years ago I became a mother, but as is usually the case, I discovered that being a mother means to forever have your heart walk outside your body.
She is one of my heartbeats. There are several more that also walk outside my body and each is as loved and cherished as she is.
Happy Birthday Samantha! The world is truly a better place because you are a part of it.
Now go get em girl!
Stay Happy! Stay Informed!
Love,
Jen
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Comments
Aw, absolutely beautiful and was smiling reading all about your beautiful girl here. Definitely want to wish her a Happy Birthday, too now!!!
Janine Huldie recently posted…Lighten Your Load and Get Organized with Back to School Tips
Thank you Janine! I appreciate your kind words, we think she is pretty special too ;)
Jen recently posted…My Little Fighter
♪♪Happy Birthday to you,♪♪
♪♪Happy Birthday to you,♪♪
♪♪Happy Birthday Dear Samantha,♪♪
♪♪Happy Birthday to you.♪♪
You captured motherhood perfectly.
Have a fabulous day. ☺
Comedy Plus recently posted…Wednesdays Question
Thank you Sandee and thank you for that cute cake we saw on Facebook yesterday! Samantha was home with a cold and thought it was pretty cool.
Best wishes for a great weekend!
Jen recently posted…My Little Fighter
What an amazing story for an amazing girl! Happy birthday, sweet Samantha!!
Rabia @TheLiebers recently posted…Ch-ch-ch-changes Over the Last Ten Years
Thank you so much Rabia. It was hard to write, but the response has been overwhelming. I appreciate all of the kind words that my friends have directed my way :)
Jen recently posted…My Little Fighter
Happy Birthday to Samantha. This was such a beautiful post, and I’m so happy to hear that something wonderful came from something so distressing.
ShootingStarsMag recently posted…Subscription Box September: Aster Market
It kind of seems like that is the way. At least for me. There seems to be beauty in the trial/ obstacle or at least something I need to learn from it. Thanks so much for stopping by and for your kind words :)
Jen recently posted…My Little Fighter
What an incredible story! Thank you so much for sharing this with us. I hope Samantha has an amazing birthday!!
Janine Halloran recently posted…Play Matters
Thank you Janine! It was hard for me to share this story, but I felt like it was time and I am so touched that you enjoyed it.
Jen recently posted…My Little Fighter
What a sweet post!
I hope she has a wonderful birthday.
Amber recently posted…Things That Annoy Me Thursday: Politics On Facebook
Thank you Amber!
Jen recently posted…My Little Fighter
Crying over here. Such a beautiful story for a beautiful girl.
I hope she has the most wonderful birthday.
Aww thank you Beth! Hopefully it was a good cry. Those are good for the soul :) Thank you for your sweet comment.
Jen recently posted…My Little Fighter
What a story! Wow. And doughnuts.. yes to those.
She’s a beautiful girl and her strength and goodness shine through every photo and story.
Wishing her a beautiful birthday.
Tamara recently posted…I’m Going Down.
Thank you Tamara! Doughnuts really are a soul healing food for me. To be eaten when needed, just not every day or your body will not agree with their “medicinal” value :)
Jen recently posted…My Little Fighter
Wow. This is such an intensely beautiful story. I’m sorry for the hardships, but it also seems that it has built character and a true appreciation of life and love for your family. Happy birthday sweet and strong Samantha.
Caryn recently posted…Kid-Approved Green Smoothie Recipe
Thank you Caryn. I think you are right, I am amazed at what a composed young woman she is. I think facing hardship makes you see the big picture more clearly and not get caught up in the detritus that doesn’t matter.
Jen recently posted…My Little Fighter
So lovely! I’m so honored you shared that with us. Go get ’em to your daughter!
Katy @ Experienced Bad Mom recently posted…Make Back to School Happy with Creative Kidstuff and The Happi House
Thanks Katy! I am touched that you were moved by this post! Yes indeed, I think my new mantra just might be “Go get em!” :)
Jen recently posted…My Little Fighter
I wish I could put into words the extent to which the story of your daughter moved me. She is such a beautifully strong little girl. I can only begin to imagine such a tumultuous pregnancy. Having my child born just as Sept. 11th happened would rock me to my very core. Thank God, the world we live in is still filled with hope and you’re daughter certainly personifies that hope more than most. What a beautiful depiction of your incredible girl <3
Alana recently posted…10 Dos and Don’ts For A Successful Start To Kindergarten
Oh Alana that is so sweet! Sometimes as a blogger we write things because we need to, never expecting it to touch anyone. I guess there really is power in our shared stories. I know I have gained so much from other bloggers. Thank you! Thank you!
Jen recently posted…My Little Fighter
Oh I’m just bawling.
This is absolutely beautiful Jen. What a lovely daughter you have and what a blessing she is.
Thank you so much for sharing this glimpse of joy and hope.
Happy Birthday to your darling and strong Samantha.
xoxo
Jennifer | The Deliberate Mom recently posted…An Amazing Story, Beautiful Moments, and Life… Currently
Aww Jennifer, I have to admit that your posts have done that to me many times as well. That coffee story! Sheesh I have told so many people about it. Incredible!
Thank you my sweet friend and I will indeed pass on the birthday wishes!
Jen recently posted…My Little Fighter
OH, this made me cry! “I’m still here.” Wow! So exciting!!!
April recently posted…Homeschool Year 2, Day 18
Thank you April. It was a pretty special moment.
Jen recently posted…My Little Fighter
Happy birthday to your beautiful girl! My son had to have a spinal tap when he was four days old. I couldn’t even watch. It’s so hard to see them struggle but amazing to see their strength as they fight to overcome their obstacles.
Melissa recently posted…The Benefits of Starting a Parenting Blog
Oh no 4 days old, that must have been immensely difficult for you. I wouldn’t have been able to watch either. You are right though their strength is amazing to watch!
Jen recently posted…My Little Fighter
This is a beautiful post! What a wonderful way to celebrate your daughter’s birthday. Hope she has a great birthday :)
Thank you! I think she will! I just scheduled her for her first ever facial. She has no idea and I am so excited for her to try it.
Jen recently posted…My Little Fighter
She really is fighter, isn’t she? With that spirit she’s likely to do great things. Happy birthday to your beautiful girl!
Leslie recently posted…And They’re Off…To School
Thanks Leslie! I just hope whatever she chooses to do, she follows her heart! Nothing makes us mamas happier than that :)
Jen recently posted…The Secret Life Of Bloggers
THis. Is. Beautiful. Have you submitted it to Mamapedia? Would be perfect for 9/11. I’m crying, I’m so sorry she lost her twin but so happy you have each other.
Kristen recently posted…The Importance of Hydration in Young Athletes
Thank you! How do you even submit there??
Jen recently posted…The Secret Life Of Bloggers
Wow. Sounds like you have an amazing girl.
Jenny @ Unremarkable Files recently posted…7 Quick Takes about Things That Look a Lot Better, Awkward Photo Shoots, and Playtime in an Amputee-Friendly Household
Thank you Jenny! She isn’t perfect,neither am I, but she is pretty awesome!
Jen recently posted…“Fan”-Tastic Football Gathering Prep In Less Than 10 Seconds
Really beautiful, thanks for sharing! Funny how kids help us heal as well.
Kacie recently posted…10 Things I Wish I Had Known Before I Became a Mom
Thank you Kacie! You are right kids do just that.
Jen recently posted…Fill A Hulk Sized Hunger
Hi Jen, a truly lovely post and Samantha is as lucky to have you as her Mum as you are to have her as a daughter. Hope she had a great 14th birthday and I have no doubt that she knows just how special and wonderful she is.
xx
Debbie recently posted…Oh Me, Oh My! I’m Back From My Unscheduled Break…
Thanks Debbie! She had a wonderful birthday weekend! We had homemade cheesecake, a backyard movie and her first ever facial! I think she had a GREAT time!
Jen recently posted…Fill A Hulk Sized Hunger
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