The REAL Rules For Raising A Toddler

In Motherhood, Parenting by Jen29 Comments

Last week my good friend Sarah of Ruffles and Rainboots asked me to guest post over at her blog. I love Sarah and was thrilled to do so. If you haven’t checked her blog out before now, you really should.

You are all familiar with my caboose baby Miss Anneliese Claire. She is 17 months old and is beautiful, lovely and much loved by all.

She is also a toddler.

The official definition for a toddler is one who toddles and is in the beginning stages of life.

The Urban Dictionary definition for a toddler is a tiny bipolar human under the age of 3, who can swing rapidly between endearingly cute antics and screaming, kicking, biting fits of rage. Completely unpredictable and often unintelligible lovable little walking blessings/nightmares disguised as tiny human beings with giant heads.


Looking at that picture above you could never imagine that this little blue eyed angel could morph into something far less cherubic.

Perhaps something like this….

There are loads and loads of scholarly works written on how to properly raise these tiny little humans, but anyone who has ever spent five minutes with a toddler knows that it’s more like a no holds barred episode of Survivor rather than an episode of Mister Roger’s neignborhood.

Does this ring a bell?

So do you want the real rules on raising a toddler? Here they are!

1. Never say NO.

Don’t try to stop them from hurting and maiming themselves or others. Doing so will make them VERY mad. Refer to Urban Dictionary for possible toddler reactions.

2.  Don’t try to cut their food.

Sometimes they will not want you to cut their sandwich, but they won’t know that is the case until after you have ALREADY cut their sandwich. If you have cut the sandwich at this point they may throw it at you, scream, wail and demand a new uncut sandwich only to behave in the exact same way when presented with the new sandwich.

3. Don’t try to dress them.

They do not like shoes, hats, coats, scarves, diaper changes and so forth. You need to be especially aware of their new found ability to snatch diapers and throw them at you while you are in the process of changing them.

4. Do not try to do anything other than pay attention to them.

This list would include going to the bathroom, answering the phone or door, cooking dinner, attending to other children or sitting. Note- Pay extra attention to the sitting one because that is when these tiny humans are most likely to strike….

Don’t think you can adhere to any of these rules?

Well, than that means you are a responsible parent. Congratulations and good luck!

Before I go though here is some final rules for raising a toddler:

Stay Happy! Stay Informed!



Go ahead and share this post, you know you want to!


    1. Author

      Today while I was talking to the bank, my sweet little toddler looked up at me kissed my cheek and then pulled a chunk of my hair out of my head. See I broke two of her rules; sitting and talking on the phone!
      Jen recently posted…How To REALLY Raise A ToddlerMy Profile

  1. haha! I’m really still in the early stages of toddlerhood. I think? My son just turned two. He’s still so pleasant, though. I know it’s waiting for me though..
    Tamara recently posted…The Cape House.My Profile

    1. Author

      I wish mine was like that. Perhaps it is a girl thing or maybe my Liese is just a commando sort of girl, but she is the very personification of the urban dictionary definition of a toddler. My husband tells me at least she doesn’t let anything stop her and shows a definite flair for the dramatic and also displays some pretty strong leadership skills :)
      Jen recently posted…How To REALLY Raise A ToddlerMy Profile

  2. Hahaha, been there and done that! I have to admit, a part of me misses those days but a large part of me is glad they are over. However, I am facing teenage years next year and that really …. I’d rather not think about it! Is there a cocoon that you can put your child in until they turn 18, maybe even 19?
    Ana Lynn recently posted…Quick And Easy White Beans And Rice RecipeMy Profile

    1. Author

      You know interestingly enough when I match my tween and toddler side by side I see some identical behavior. I might be able to handle this teen thing after all….If not, I will look into the cocoon option and let you know !
      Jen recently posted…How To REALLY Raise A ToddlerMy Profile

    1. Author

      I know, right!! We have to put Liese in her high chair with only a diaper on as she has to feed herself every bite and makes a huge mess. If I try to even touch her food, welcome to Meltdownville!
      Jen recently posted…How To REALLY Raise A ToddlerMy Profile

  3. Hahahaha! I am laughing so hard and completely feel your pain! Aren’t they so cute and sweet when they are sleeping soundly in their beds??!! Love the Toddler Rules of Possession… so TRUE!! If only big brothers and sisters could understand these rules, life would be so much easier with our adorable monsters!!!

  4. Yes, I feel your pain as well! So after the poop playing with incident a few days ago, my daughter has also eaten my deodorant and mastered climbing every single surface in our house. Well, minus the kitchen cabinets thankfully. But tables, beds, desks nightstands. . . all those are climbable to her now. She is ten times worse than her brothers were!! HELP!
    Leilani recently posted…Synchronized swimming, because you’re never too old for choreographed moves and super cool gogglesMy Profile

    1. Author

      Perhaps a beginning rope/climbing wall class would do her a world of wonders… She could be like a professional by the time she is 2 and even show up as the World’s youngest rope waller ( is that a word) in the Guinness World Book of Records!!
      Jen recently posted…How To REALLY Raise A ToddlerMy Profile

  5. That sounds about right! Except Lou is obsessed with dresses lately and will put them on and swing around the house exclaiming her love for being a “pwicesses”. :) The only problem is she wants to try on every dress in her abundant closet. She is rather adorable while doing it though.
    Becka recently posted…I may be broken…My Profile

  6. I have two toddlers (twins) and the rules of possession are SPOT ON! It’s rough because they both live by them. And sitting! It’s truly a cardinal sin. When I sit to nurse the baby the toddlers go stark raving mad! I’m just in tears reading this!
    Lexy recently posted…why i blogMy Profile

    1. Author

      Oh my gosh twins and a baby, wow that brings a whole new set of toddler drama scenarios. I remember with my first having this scenario with her brother when he was born and it is so tough!
      Jen recently posted…How To REALLY Raise A ToddlerMy Profile

  7. Hi Jen, your little girl always looks so cute, but when she thinks her world is ending she is adorable! It’s been a long time since I had the pleasure of the constant company of a toddler and I don’t miss it in the least! They are just too confusing and just when you think you’ve got them sussed they go and change the ‘rules’!

    A list of the ‘rules of possession’ should be on offer as an option for a fridge door design. Imagine the tears it could prevent?
    Debbie recently posted…St. Dennis’s Day Celebrations, ZakynthosMy Profile

    1. Author

      I love that word “sussed” it is far cooler than plain old boring figuring out something. I think I will use that word from now on!

      You have teenagers though so tell me the truth is that any less frightening than toddlers?
      Jen recently posted…How To REALLY Raise A ToddlerMy Profile

  8. Oh gosh…trying to dress Dylan has always been a challenge. He squirms, he kicks, he fights it. Though he does fancy when I don’t pay him mind because he likes to sneak around..and eat dog food..or put his foot in the dog water…those toddler rules of possession are more like toddler laws! lol
    Rebecca recently posted…List: 6 Reasons Why I Won’t Blog For FreeMy Profile

  9. OMG sooooo true! And electronics – phones, remotes, ipads, laptops – these obviously all belong to the toddler!

    Actually my 3yo is pretty good. She’s more of the cheeky monkey kinda gal – getting up to mischief with a twinkle in her eye, dimple flashing – secure in the knowledge that bestowing a hug and kiss on her tired mama will make up for just about any rascal-ness.

    My 1yo is doing that hilarious tantrum thing now. She lies back slowly so as not to bang her head then lets loose with the screaming. Ahh little peeps.
    Lisa recently posted…My Retro.. Enamel cookwareMy Profile

    1. Author

      Hey your 1 yo sounds like she has some pretty good survival skills on her. My 1 yo wants to physically harm or maim herself on a daily basis. Right now she is sporting a huge shiner from running into a door, you can’t make this stuff up…
      Jen recently posted…How To REALLY Raise A ToddlerMy Profile

    1. Author

      Luckily they have cute on their side, it’s make the whole screaming thing easier to deal with! Sometimes their tantrums are so cute I even catch myself laughing. They do not like when we do that very much.
      Jen recently posted…How To REALLY Raise A ToddlerMy Profile

  10. Ha! Loved this! Especially the food cutting. OH MY GOODNESS! My youngest will freak out if you cut her food but then she asks for it to be cut, I cut it and it’s not cut right!


    Great post!

    Wishing you a lovely weekend.
    Jennifer | The Deliberate Mom recently posted…My Blog StaycationMy Profile

  11. This is cute! Reading your post brought a lot of toddler memories back to me that I forgot. When we don’t have toddlers anymore, we tend to romanticize them and think they are always the adorable people we see at the grocery store or church. You forget all that went on behind the scenes for that mother to be able to leave the house! :)
    normaleverydaylife recently posted…School TalkMy Profile

    1. Author

      Romanticize them we do and babies as well. I remember after my 2nd daughter was born it was a feat just to get out the door and it had to be really worth it to even want to go somewhere!
      Jen recently posted…Man-day Post: Canning your SPAMMy Profile

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