The What No One Wants For Christmas Gift List

In Man-day, Parenting by Jen50 Comments

This last week Jensguy and I were sitting and chatting one night after the children had gone to bed. As usual our topics ranged far and wide, but on this particular night he began a conversation centered around the worst Christmas presents we had ever received or seen given.

Jen: Oh kind of like that big hulking gorilla with a banana plush toy you gave me when we were dating?

Jensguy: Sigh

Anyway, we feel that it is our duty to compile a list of some of the worst presents that we are fairly sure no one would ever want to receive. We will however include links to the items on this list just in case….

First off, we would like to introduce you to the Crazy Cat Lady Action Set.

For only $18 US dollars this set includes one wild eyed, pajama clad crazy cat lady and a small contingent of her cat “family”. Plus with the added bonus of 2 extra cats peeking out of her clothes and hair. Nifty, huh? We are truly hoping that there is not one person on your list for whom this would be an ideal gift.

Now here’s a gift that is certain to earn you hatred instead of goodwill. The Accu- Measure Fitness Personal Body Fat Tester!

 

With the Accu- Measure Fitness Personal Body Fat Tester we can measure just how fat we are in the privacy of our own home. This product is reliable, accurate and a steal of a deal at only $5.60. Gifting this to pretty much anyone will possibly ensure your immediate removal from their Christmas list.

 

No list of the worst Christmas presents ever would be complete with some form of bizarre toiletry. Such as the Public Restroom Survival kit.

Included in this kit (1) Toilet Seat Cover, (2) Antiseptic Wipes, & (1) Pair Disposable Gloves.

Jensguy and I are split on this. I think that perhaps there might be a future in this with a re-branding on the name such as “Toddler Public Toilet Survival Kit”.

This summer we were regaled with another epic cinematic masterpiece, Sharknado 2. Now just in time for Christmas we found this Porcelain Shark Attack Mug!

Nothing says love like gifting someone a mug with a little terrifying “surprise” in the bottom of it …..

Sometimes you can find a gift that is not only absolutely bizarre, but could possibly get you sideways with Homeland Security.

Radioactive Uranium Ore in a can!

We also thought it was an especially nice touch that just in time for the holidays you can save 10% on this product.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Now, Jensguy is not big on wandering into Frederick’s of Hollywood looking for gifts, but if he did, this little snowman ensemble probably wouldn’t be the first thing to catch his eye.

Jensguy:  What… the..what?  If you are looking for sexy, you are doing it wrong!

For Jen this next item is something she would most definitely not like to ever see inside the walls of her home or actually on Jensguy.

Jensguy:  Ordered with Amazon Prime.  I’ll be rocking these bad boys by Christmas. . .

Jen: Sigh

Additionally, anything with footies and a front zipper would also not be welcomed by either of us. Although we are sure that we could pull the look off better than this couple.

Lastly in order to avoid scarring, Jen has already discussed some of the most terrifying children’s movies ever made. It is very important to reiterate the fact that this is NEVER an appropriate children’s gift.

Jensguy:  Confirmed and Seconded!

Update: Visit here to see The What No One Wants For Christmas List 2!

Stay Happy! Stay Informed!

Love,

Jen




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Comments

  1. Definitely, confirm I don’t want any of these, so absolutely perfect list and thank you so much for sharing and making me smile too this morning;)

  2. Hi Jen, I love those butt quack boxers! Not for me, but they’d sure give Hubby Dearest a complex when I wet myself laughing every time I saw him wearing the boxers!…Men should NEVER be allowed to wear onesies, that is just so wrong.

    As for the Watershipdown film, that is the only film to have ever given my daughter nightmares. I remembered the film as a nice bunny film; but my memory did not serve me well. Poor girl has never been right since.

  3. I must say that I can see Kenny wearing the “Butt Quack” boxers and I actually laughed a little when I saw them…would even consider buying them from my brother as we often buy funny gifts for one another…lol Sorry but we are on Jen’s Guys’ side here with that one. The rest were just funny and I couldn’t see giving or receiving them EVER!
    Thanks for sharing this list.
    xx
    Lysa
    Lysa @ Welcome To My Circus recently posted…My “Blonde” Problems #5My Profile

  4. Ha! Love your list! Some of those would be GREAT gag gifts though.

    But sorry I have to disagree on the zippered onesie! I begged for one this year LOL and I actually think my mother-in-law plans on getting me one AND my husband one. Hopefully it’s not pink with ducks though.

    Thanks for sharing Jen!
    xoxo

    PS – I love Watership Down but you’re right… NOT for kids.
    Jennifer | The Deliberate Mom recently posted…5 Things You Should Say To Your Kids… OftenMy Profile

  5. What a great list!

    I would so totally love to buy the snowman outfit and wear it to get the mail in the middle of winter. However, there are a few problems with my plan: 1) It is cold in winter, and I would freeze. 2) I really don’t have the legs to pull that outfit off. 3) It would be a wear one-time outfit just to shock the neighbors. 4) Since some of my neighbors are older, I would feel awful if I caused a need for 911 – from the laughter attack!
    Patty (@pattyoh11) recently posted…Top Christmas Movies that Should be on Your Must-See ListMy Profile

    1. Author

      I have no doubt that you do indeed know someone who would be a perfect match for these fabulous undies!

      P.S. My son and husband think I need to get a gig at a Battlestar Galactica event like you did! You are uber cool :)
      Jen recently posted…Hip Hip Hooray! It’s My SITS Day!My Profile

  6. Ohhhhhh nooooo,

    So what does this say about me, Jen, when i would buy such gifts to use them in my own evil way as gifts…especially for some of my sarcastic married kids?

    BTW–I don’t think the public toilet survival kit needs any rebranding. Just sell them in vending machines anywhere a Greyhound Bus Station exists….or ANYwhere in New York and BAM!! Millionaire.
    Jaime Buckley recently posted…A Special Christmas Story…Written Just For YouMy Profile

    1. Author

      My husband and I were really split on the toilet survival kit. He thought it was crap, oh man I crack myself up way too much sometimes….. Anyway for only 3 dollars I should buy one of them and always have it on hand. As a parent I have been in some fairly terrifying bathrooms I believe have scarred me for life!

      Jaime I think you just gave me my new business idea. I will now be known as Jen The Bathroom Survival Guru :)
      Jen recently posted…Five Christmas Songs That Need To Be RetiredMy Profile

  7. I can’t even believe some of these products exist! Who would buy them except for a gag gift? BTW, my husband received a brown and white towel that said butt on one side; face on the other. Horrible! It didn’t stay.
    MB recently posted…Going GrayMy Profile

    1. Author

      NOOOOO!! That is the worst gift I have ever heard of. Who thinks up evil things like that? Although, truthfully I believe my children would never let me get rid of that thing once it came home with us. The possibility of that ever happening is too terrifying to even contemplate!
      Jen recently posted…Five Christmas Songs That Need To Be RetiredMy Profile

  8. Oh my there really is a Crazy Cat Lady toy???? The world will never cease to amaze me. As for the movie, I saw that as a child AT SCHOOL!!!! So not right! I would NOT want any of this either!! Bravo to the list.
    BritishMumUSA recently posted…Conversing with a TeenagerMy Profile

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