Five Christmas Songs That Need To Be Retired

In Parenting by Jen49 Comments

One of the best parts of the Holiday season is the music!

I love to listen to all of the sleigh bells jingling, chestnuts roasting and yule time carols both old and new. In the town where I live there is a radio station that plays nothing but Christmas music for the whole month of December. This occupies slots 1-5 on my radio presets.

During the month of December I have no problem listening to the same songs being sung by various artists over and over again. Unless it is one of these 5 songs.

These are the few Christmas songs that will induce jaw clenching results every time I hear them.

First off let’s talk about a little song circa 1984 via Band Aid.

Do They Know It’s Christmas?

The first time this song played while my children were in the car one of them asked, “Mom do they celebrate Christmas in Africa?”

Hmm that’s a very good question….

So I did a little research and according to various statistics the Christian population of Africa is only about 38 percent with the rest of the population being split between Muslims and the rest as either being unaffiliated or other.

I was all of the age of 7 when this song came out and I even received a highly coveted cassette single as a Christmas present that year. It was the first time in my life I had seen so many stars get together for a cause.

Now, it’s not that I don’t feel like we should and really need to help out some of the horrific situations and illnesses that are prevalent in Africa. It is just that the whole premise of this song is ridiculous. Not everyone in Africa celebrates Christmas. So the answer to the song’s question would be NO they don’t know it’s Christmas.

The song should be please help out people in Africa because it’s the right thing to do not because it’s Christmas time. Yeah, maybe that wouldn’t sell so well…..

P.S. Please notice some of the greats who participated:

Duran Duran

Bananarama

The Boomtown Rats

Kool & The Gang

Upon mentioning any of these bands and artists to my children today they looked at me like who are these people?

Now onto another song on my list.

Carol of The Bells From The Trans Siberian Orchestra

As I listen to this music the vision that plays over and over in my head is of a demonic Santa and his possessed reindeer riding into town on Christmas Eve in order to kill me and all of my family.

I’m sorry, there is no other vision I can conjure up as the electric synthesized music crescendos.

My second youngest daughter heard the song for the first time this year and said Mom this song is creepy.

Yes, yes it is my dear.

Santa Claus is Coming to Town!

Wonderful Christmas Time

How did one of the greats, Paul McCartney, put out this song?

This song is seizure inducing. Did you know that he sings the line Simply Having A Wonderful Christmas time 666 times?

Now you do.

Notice that ALL of the people had to be drunk in order to appear in the video, because none of them would lend their likeness to this monstrosity otherwise.  And if you watch Linda McCartney shaking those sleigh bells, she is emoting, ‘Yep, this is pretty much over Paul, I’m moving on to find someone NOT waging war on Christmas with terrible music.”

An extra lovely touch to the video is Paul and his friends spray painting Merry Xmas on the walls of people’s homes because nothing says Christmas like a little vandalism…..

The Christmas Shoes

I KNOW you all know this song. It’s about a little boy in line at a store trying to buy shoes for his Mama on Christmas Eve because she is going to “Meet Jesus” that night.

I could listen to this song 15 times in one day and still cry every time! When it comes on the radio by the end of the song every person in my car is sobbing and I am sitting there wishing I could be in that store with that little boy.

I wouldn’t just buy him the shoes.  No, I would follow that little boy home with presents, 15 pairs of shoes for his Mama and him and every member of his family. I would come back after his Mama had passed with dinner and crews of church women I tell you!

Just giving him the one of pair of shoes and seeing him walk off and then ending the song is almost unpardonable!

Of course others felt the way I did, that was why we all needed a Hallmark Channel Movie with Rob Lowe. . .

Please Daddy Don’t Get Drunk This Year

This song is part of John Denver’s 1975 album Rocky Mountain Christmas.

Here is a portion of the lyrics of the tale of a 7 year old boy:

You came home at a quarter past eleven
Fell down underneath our Christmas tree
Please Daddy, don’t get drunk this Christmas
I don’t wanna see my Mumma cry


Holy cow!

Again, the first time my oldest child heard this song she asked me if our “Daddy was going to ever do something like that?”

Ummm, well since my husband doesn’t drink the only way this would be possible is if he listened to Wonderful Christmas Time and seized up, convulsing under the Christmas tree.  Fortunately that hasn’t been repeated since it first occurred back in 2006.  He’s doing much better now.

Bonus song! 

As I was getting ready to hit publish, my husband reminded me of a song that I left out.

Good King Wenceslas

Many years ago, in church, at Christmastime, a cheerful young couple got up to the podium to sing this song for the congregation to bring us all happiness and joy.  By the 42nd verse, I wanted to rise up out of my seat, approach the podium, and end them.  It was 18 years ago and I don’t think they have wrapped it up yet.  And the thing is, the song doesn’t even take place at Christmas!  It is set during the “Feast of Stephen” which is the day AFTER Christmas.  That is a tough lineup for a Saint to have your feast day when everyone has already gorged themselves on Turkey, Ham, eggnog, and, in Tucson, tamales!

As it turns out, this piece has been getting criticism since the late 1800’s.  Generally because the author took a well loved (at the time) traditional spring tune and saddled it with these awful plodding lyrics that seemingly never end.

Because bad is bad, no matter what century we are in.

Stay Happy! Stay Informed!

Love,

Jen




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Comments

  1. I’m going to disagree with you on Simply Having a Wonderful Christmastime! I kinda like it. Thankfully, I’ve been shielded from the drunk John Denver Christmas song. But that reminds me that I haven’t heard that weird, yet tearjerker, song from the 70s about 2 old lovers meeting at the grocery store and sharing a 6 pack in the parking lot. Must have been universally retired this year!
    Katy @ Experienced Bad Mom recently posted…The Best Birthday Party Game for KidsMy Profile

  2. Yes that song by the Trans Siberian Orchestra IS creepy and needs to go away! I had not heard of Please Daddy Don’t Get Drunk This Year – now that is not something you all want to gather around and sing! Love your list!
    Raquel recently posted…Holiday Trail MixMy Profile

  3. Jen, most of these I would totally agree except for Simply Having a Wonderful Christmas Time (as I can’t help but love anything Paul McCartney does – so I am biased here), but if I could would replace it would the Little Drummer Boy by David Bowe. Still can’t deal with hearing that song no matter what!! ;)
    Janine Huldie recently posted…Christmas Party Games Wonderful WednesdayMy Profile

    1. Author

      Oh that is a terrible song! That would probably be #6 on my list. Although I really still have to stick to keeping Paul on the list. I have to think of people’s health and all! I wonder if the hospitals see a slew of increased patients due to this song?? Hmm.. that would be good to look into!
      Jen recently posted…Five Christmas Songs That Need To Be RetiredMy Profile

  4. Laughing so hard at this Jen. Oh my! These are HORRIBLE songs and should be banned.

    I used to love “Do they know it’s Christmas?” – I mean there’s some greats singing it. However, that line “there won’t be snow in Africa this Christmas time” infuriated me so much that I just couldn’t take it anymore.

    Daddy don’t get drunk this Christmas – say what?! Never heard that one before! LOL

    Thanks so much for sharing (and for linking up to the Christmas Blog Hop)!

    Wishing you a very Merry Christmas!
    xoxo
    Jennifer | The Deliberate Mom recently posted…Christmas Blog PartyMy Profile

    1. Author

      I had forgotten that line! When I was researching this song I saw that they have had many reincarnations of this song, but now that I am thinking about it they have never taken that line out!!

      Merry Christmas to you too my friend!! Hope your girls get to feeling better soon :)
      Jen recently posted…Five Christmas Songs That Need To Be RetiredMy Profile

  5. This list is SO on the money! I could have written it myself even though I’d never heard of the John Denver tune. Although I absolutely love Christmas music, there are definitely some klunkers. The Paul McCartney song my kids love, but my husband hates! Great list! Merry Christmas!
    MB recently posted…Going GrayMy Profile

  6. Okay, I haven’t heard any of these songs before. However, I can’t say I liked the ones I watched. That Santa picture is too creepy.

  7. Oh, I love Carol of the Bells! I don’t think it sounds creepy, but I can understand what you mean. Who knew that Good King Wenceslas (is that how you spell it?) shouldn’t really be a Christmas song! Did you actually count how many times he said that phrase?! I could probably add to your list with another 5 or 10 of my own! Ha.
    Charlee Anne recently posted…Review of “This is My Life” 2015 PlannerMy Profile

    1. Author

      It was one of the longest songs I have ever had to endure during Sacrament meeting! Luckily, it hasn’t been repeated again, yet…..
      Jen recently posted…My Wish For YouMy Profile

  8. I have to disagree with Band Aid. There’s something about it – when you hear it (like the Pogues song as well and the Mariah Carey one), you KNOW it’s Xmas time.

    What should be retired are artists who keep covering these classics (over and over again).

    We were in Sri Lanka for Christmas when the latest re wash of the Band Aid song (with 1 Direction etc etc) was doing the rounds…
    Stefan Arestis recently posted…Train journey through the clouds in Sri LankaMy Profile

    1. Author

      We have a local radio station that started playing 24 hours of Christmas music the week of Thanksgiving. I was like no-way! Because now it’s pretty much my constant friend, as the children find no other music appropriate for our car rides…. Ughh!!
      Jen recently posted…My Teen: She Believed She Could So She DidMy Profile

  9. I have to admit, I do love listening to a couple of these songs each Christmas. I’ve never heard of that John Denver song…definitely won’t be adding it to my iTunes list this season! My husband would add pretty much any of the Straight No Chaser songs. to this list, though.
    Leslie recently posted…The Happy Now Blog Link Up #36My Profile

  10. I flippin hate Christmas music. GRRRRRR! I blame too many years in retail and having to listen to every rendition of the same 10 songs by every artist of all time on a constant repeat from October to December every dang year. Whew.

    That said, your list is probably a good round up of the most dreadful. Although, I am not sure I have actually heard the John Denver one before…perhaps it is hard to sell Christmas cheer with that depressing ditty playing.

    1. Author

      Oh my gosh yes! Fifteen years in that specific work detail myself and my ears have pretty much heard it all as well as some really terrible synthesized Christmas music. That’s retail for you, right? There should be music therapy for people like us.
      Jen recently posted…My Teen: She Believed She Could So She DidMy Profile

  11. So I was just listening to number one on your list today, and heard the lyrics and was like WTH?! What is this? So i guess they were trying to raise awareness or something?…hmmmm. I agree with all on your list except for Transiberian Orchestra. I love them. Lol!
    Tarynn Playle recently posted…Simple DIY Rosemary Christmas TreeMy Profile

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